Sorry teacher, but I disagree

Look up and Question yourself (© Yugenderan)

"Bow, greet and follow"

Ask any Malaysian student, this would probably be the golden rule that governs the teacher-student interaction. There is no such thing as questioning your teachers or debating with them. Defy any of this and you'll be labelled as the "bad example" among your peers or even better you risk "losing" their blessings. Perhaps I'm generalising, but neither of us can out-rule the existence of this culture of submission within our schooling system.

Walking down memory lane, I can't stop asking myself why didn't I speak up when my allegiance to my country was questioned during history classes. More importantly, why didn't I stop those racist comments coming from my own teacher. Could it be that my deep-rooted fear of being singled out governed my actions? Or perhaps, it was the fear of being labelled the "deviant" one among my peers that made me silent. For some unexplained reason, I never felt safe enough to share my opinions. For there was such thing as a "wrong" and "right" opinion.

People usually ask me, what's the best part of studying in America. I never really had a good answer to that question. Now looking back, I think the greatest value my American education has given to me is my ability to question. Studying here, I've learned one important thing: Ask tough questions! I'm been told to never settle down for average questions. Question things for the way they are and even better never settle down for a perfect answer. The more I could engage in discussions or debates, the more my professors here value me. To them, questions are progress, a mentality that needs to be propagated.

I find it interesting now all these activities that I've been a part of have never failed to promote questioning sensitive topics such as socioeconomic status, gender, religion, sexuality and even politics. I enjoy listening to different views about these dimensions, I've only gained more knowledge out of these discussions instead of getting into an argument. While I appreciate my American friends for being able to talk about sensitive issues, I also envy them. I often wonder would Malaysia be a better nation if we allowed sensitive topics to be talked about in open? Do we have more to gain or to lose?

It's been almost six decades since we've reached independence. I find it disheartening that some Youtube links are censored, blogs are oftentimes screened and even patriotic songs are infused with political propaganda. Makes me question, are we heading in the right direction? Could the future generation be able to share deep rooted intellectual conversations with each other?

I'm writing this post to remind myself. In years to come, I know I too might face the same dilemma that most Malaysian students face: the thought of migration. I fear that I might succumb to the temptations abroad. While I dream of a better nation, I can't imagine it being anything else than Malaysia. It is where I was born and where I'll continue being. I refuse to abandon my country because the fight is far too great, the same way I refuse to abandon my mother if she was ill.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". While I'm 10, 000 miles away from my home, I'm typing this post in hopes that it may in some small way make you question something around you. If it did, I'm proud. If not, I know I still have a long way to go.

Regards,

 A Malaysian

Turning Tables in Fall

“May the odds be ever in your favor”. This was the first door dec that greeted me this fall. Returning as a sophomore, I expected the feeling of being indifferent. The grounds of Oxford is no longer a novelty after your freshman year. The “honeymoon” was now over, and there was nothing else to explore.

Somehow, things felt different. Physically, Oxford was similar in every single way, but mentally I felt even more connected with the school. The tables have turned, and I now have to assume the same responsibilities that I once admired my sophomores for. I now had the chance to explore the same play-field but with a different view. I’m proud to admit that I’ve learned a lot this semester; both from my classes and my involvements.

English Literature class: I consider this class a “pleasant accident”. Come to think of it, the only reason I was tempted to sign up for this class was the INQ requirement that haunts some people here at Oxford. We learned about different schools of literary criticism such as psychoanalysis, marxism, feminism and even liberal-humanism. More than that, I was exposed to great American literatures in this class, works that I never would have known existed. Little did I know, that I would soon be addicted to this class, analysizing stories from different angles. After a semester in this class, I have to admit that movies or even songs are never going to be the same again. I cannot resist the temptation of tearing apart and deconstructing the meaning behind everything I read, watch or listen. An “intellectual-cocaine” as how I describe this.

Carpe Diem

Philosophy: I enrolled in this class assuming it would be a fall-back class, or in other words a GPA-booster. I was embarassed to claim the grade I got in my first paper. My high academic-ego was severly bruised, which in turn led me to panic and even consider dropping the class. Fortunately or unfortunately, I was faced with the option of accepting a “Withdrawal” on my transcript or risking a low-grade”. Any business school student would know, that a D is far better than a Withdrawal. So, I continued this class, having the determination to score a better grade. I scheduled appointments, and even wrote multiple drafts of my assigned paper. I began to take things seriously and dropped my ego. Surprisingly, the class that I thought would be completely useless and agonizing was the class I learned the most out of. I’ve never felt the joy of being succint and concise until this class. More than that, I value the ability to take arguments by it’s horn and shake them. Something, I’m truly grateful for.

Sociology of Old People: I have this unexplained belief that if you attend Oxford, there are two professors which you HAVE to take classes from: Dr. McQuiade and Dr. Shapiro. Two men who have not only excelled in their fields but also inspired many students to challenge themselves out of their comfort zone. This class, was my first class encounter with Dr.McQuaide. Half way through this class, I had an epiphany. I learned about retirement, widowhood and death among older people, but it had never occurred to me that while I’m here studying for four years, my parents back home are getting old. I’ve failed to notice how small things began to change over the course of my college years. My parents are no longer the same people that I used to know when I was five. They’re old now, and not many people realize that older people have different needs. This class highlighted some of the psychological and physical need that I would have never considered without help. I’ve learned to appreciate my parents and my youth more than anything else.

Financial accounting: Some people call this class the “orgo” of business. In plain terms, this is the one class that many pre-business students dread. To me, this was the only class I have left to complete my pre-requisites for Goizuetta. All this while, I claimed that business was not the right thing for me; I had no option but to continue with this major. Financial accounting was my exposure to the business world. I’m proud to have said that I enjoyed learning every bit of journal entries, adjusting entries and even looking at balanced sheets. I’ve come to realize that financial accouting is a language of it’s own. I’ve never comprehended how numbers could tell you so much. More than that, I liked how each transaction was a puzzle, waiting to be solved and recorded in it’s right place. Although, I do have to admit, financial accounting is definitely not going to be my choice of concentration, but it was indeed a good first-hand exposure of what happens behind the scenes of a companies vault.

Hindu Student Association: Some people call us a fraternity, because the board members generally keep things among themselves. On the other hand, I consider this club a family, who bonds over their passion for dances, events and aarthis. This was my first significant leadership role at Oxford, I’ve never had the chance to lead a huge club before in this setting before. It took me a while to adapt to the team dynamics in this club. I’m proud that we have amazing talents and commitment on the board. More than that I’m thankful that people who not on the board are even more dedicated to help us with our events. A few rough bumps were present along the way, but I’ve only looked at it as a learning opportunity for myself. I’ve had the chance to learn more about myself. Above all, I find myself asking what kind of a leader do I wish to be in the future. Not many leadership role is able to question your abilities and push you forward. I’m proud that I’ve had the chance to do so in this club.

While I can continue to go on about my semester, I’ve come to realize that most of my time was spent for self-betterment this semester. I believe challenges and adversity is necessary for personal growth. More than that, it’s important to make you realize you still have a lot more to learn.

Carpe Diem

Through My Lenses

If you’d swing by my room, you’ll see a vast collection of photos hanging on my wall. These are my “babies”. Each and every one of them carefull edited, printed, and positioned so that I can wake up to them.

I oftentimes find myself asking: why are photos so interesting? Is it the angle of the camera or the editing that makes them spell-binding? Or could it be that our innate ability to project our thoughts onto photographs that make them intriguing? A real life “Pensieve”.

Not many people realize the abilities photos have. I’ve always believed that if you starred close enough into a photo, you could actually sense the people or object in it. Perhaps I’m fooling myself too much here, afterall how can a simple paper contain so much meaning or detail attached?

Well, I choose to believe that somehow the lights that enter the camera, preserved a tiny speck of energy in the photo, and if we paid close attention to it, we might be able to catch a glimpse behind it. Too far-fetched, I know.

Today, I was stricken by the horror that happened in Newtown, Connecticut. 26 innocent lives gone without justice. Photos flooding Facebook, leaving nothing but the thought of sympathy and devastation behind.

To look at a photo of your child, and embracing what’s left. To stare at the empty chair in the dinner table. I can’t imagine. I pray.

If my believe is by any chance right, I hope you embrace those photos and find the energy in it. Honour it. 

For today, the heavens are crowded with angels.

Rest in peace.

The Ring

To many people, my ring is a cultural ornament that I’m always wearing. To me, it’s a constant reminder of how blessed I am.

A silver piece of metal molted and embedded with nine different stones, supposedly to shower me with blessings from the divine planets. It took me a while, but I guess I finally understand what blessing means in my own terms.

People work all their lives to buy something they think is valuable. To some people it might be a house, while for the rest it may be a diamond necklace for their loved ones. It’s funny how over the years, wealth has become an indicator of how blessed you are, or at least how blessed you feel about yourself. I know, I’m definitely guilty of this.

My American friends here celebrate Thanksgiving, as a day of remembrance and deep gratitude for everything they have. One day every year dedicated solely for giving thanks. Truth told, I wish Malaysia celebrated Thanksgiving, perhaps all those unnecessary political chatter would cease if people just realize how blessed they really are.

It’s impossible for me to list down all the things that I’m grateful, but these are some that I truly appreciate:

1.   I’m thankful for my parents who are the only ones in the world that can put up with my ridiculous spoilt brat nonsense I give them.

2.    I’m thankful for my elder brother who is always there to remind me to live my life and don’t worry about my future too much

3.    I’m thankful for my scholarship which enabled me to be here in America and learn things I never imagined

4.    I’m thankful for my friends, who inspire me to be a better person

5.    I’m thankful for my teachers and professors who have given me more than just homework to take back home

6.    I’m thankful for the janitors, cleaners, and staffs that keep the place I stay clean. They are truly the unsung heroes.

7.    I’m thankful for the conflicts I have in my life, because I’ve learned so much about myself

8.    I’m thankful for my dogs who keep my parents company, while both my brother and I are away from home

9.    I’m thankful for the random strangers I’ve met in gas pumps, airport, railways, and everywhere else that has pointed me in the right direction if I’m lost and even keep me company

1. I’m thankful for my ability to smile, even if I’m having a bad day, because I know me smiling would make someone else happy.

  

I don’t know whether my ring truly brings me blessings, but what I do know is it reminds to appreciate the things I have in life, in other words contentment. For that, it will always be a blessing.

So what is blessing? It’s the ability to know what you have and appreciate it while it’s still with you.

Lessons beyond Lectures

I’ve always been a very introspective person. Microspecting each and every detail around me. From the random colored dots on my wall to the scratches on my cellphone. Could it be that this world that we live in is subtly speaking to us? Could it be that there is no such thing as an accident, but mere signs that play a crucial part in determining our life course.

Think about it, tiny scratches on your phone makes you more careful not to drop your phone. You then develop alertness and reflex to prevent your phone from falling. This mental state is then extended to help you carry out activities such as driving, cooking and even playing sports. The ripple effect is never ending. To think all of this from the mere scratches on your cellphone is far fetched. But, the possibility of the interconnected signs in life is undeniable. Could it be that this is the real mantra of life? Everything you do will have an effect. Is this what people call Karma?

I often question myself, why do people have different personalities? Aren't we all biologically the same species. If so, shouldn't we have more similarities than differences. Perhaps it's because the world speaks differently to us. These experiences draw our personalities and determine how we interact with each other. 

I've learned patience and determination from the fragile old man who scavenges our neighborhood trash. How patiently he goes through people's trash just to find recyclable items that he could exchange for some change, so that he wouldn't have to starve himself for that day. No scorching sun or rude owner could stop him.

I've learned loyalty from the little dog who has been repeatedly abused by his owner, but yet obeys every command.

I've learned empathy from the old lady who is both deaf and mute but yet understands each and every word of her customers.

I've learned usefulness from the little kids in India, who collect dried leaves to make plates for themselves.

I've learned the value of privilege from kids who walk for miles without shoes, under the scorching sun.

I've learned that you are the sum of how you view things around you. There is no better teacher than life itself. So start learning.