On Being Circle or Square

Inspired by my current experiences, I question: Would you want to be a circle or a square?

Square, an elegant shape with equal sides no matter what angle you see it from. More than that, it represents firmness and oftentimes remind me of a fort, protecting my ideals and beliefs inside . I wonder, to what extend I have been a "square" in my life.

Growing up, I've have always been thought to never compromise my values. Respect, obey, and follow was always the key elements that were constantly fed to my mind. Funny how these values often gained me recognition among my teachers. I was always to some extent (some might disagree) been an exemplar to my other peers. I remember how I would be appointed

class monitor or prefect or even tutor by my teachers every year. In fact, there has not been a year pass, that I have failed to secure such "status".

As I transitioned to my high school, my values brought me even further than I thought. I made good grades, led various clubs and was often time placed under the spotlight (that explains my craze for fame). In fact, I went a step further and often time criticized my peers who do not share the same values as me. Especially those who are deviant and often time are trouble makers. In essence, I was the guy that everyone trusted to keep everything in order.

In other words, I was a "square", trying to keep the edges perfect.

Truth is, I am bored being a square. My years of trying to be "quintessential" (Yes, that's an SAT word) did bestow me with many gifts as I mentioned. Nevertheless, it did cost me a great deal. I got attached to my endeavors. I forgot there is more to life than a perfect track record. I forgot how it felt to be a be different. Most importantly, I forgot how to let loose and don't worry too much. Simply put, I never knew how it meant to be a "circle" with no edges and sharp boundaries. An empty space where you are free to define anything; enclosed only by your greatest values and perhaps faith for some people. The great thing about being a circle it is YOUR own values and not what people expect from you.

I guess to some extent, we are all circles and squares. The only question is which one encloses the other?

I understand if it makes no sense. LOL.

ASB: A Random Act of Kindness

Every time the residence halls close, I never fail to acknowledge my homesickness. Watching people strolling their bags across the quad, I have to admit that I am often jealous of my American friends. To most of them, a break meant family time. For me, it meant evacuation.

When I received an email from Kim asserting my acceptance into the Alternative Spring Break (ASB) program, I was happy. I wouldn't end up homeless after all. My friends tell me I am lucky to be a part of the group, looking at the limited spaces available.

Now looking back at every thing I have learned, I realize I am indeed lucky. Times like this, I appreciate my name Yugen, which means luck in Sanskrit.

For our first project, Kim gave us each $5. The rule was simple, spend the money on a random stranger. After our epic failure of searching for homeless people and accidentally judging pedestrians along the way, my friends and I decided to get some beach toys and donate it to kids at the beach.

Funny how the kids were expressing their doubts over our gifts. Some even questioned when should they return the gifts back. I never realized how even at a young age, kids are taught never to expect anything from anyone. What more, from a bunch of strangers with sketchy accents like us. Makes me wonder, how commercialized is our world today that even kids no longer have hopes of receiving anything for free.

Our second project was Poverty Stimulation Meal Plan. Each cabin was assigned a time slot where they would have to cook either dinner or breakfast with a limited budget for 36 people. My cabin was the first one to face the challenge. I remembered the majestic plans we had that included chocolate fudge and desserts. As we started shopping we realized that we had to improvise and often time had to return some items back to their shelfs. What we went through was nothing compared to some families who live in poverty. For us, it was a matter of choosing what to eat. To them, having a meal itself its a luxury. Something that I often overlook.

When we were served our Cabin Eviction Notice, all my cabin members were extremely angry. We had to evacuate our cabin and stay with our other friends for the night, in hopes of helping us to understand the lives of homeless people across the country. I feel indebted to my friends for accepting me into their cabin. What more providing their bed and blanket for the night. Some even slept on the floor so that I could sleep in comfort. Although I did this only for one night, the sense of guilt for troubling my friends extended beyond that. I could never imagine how do some people who lose their home feel when they have to stay with their friends or family. The thought of living on someone else's courtesy itself is a huge burden. I don't know what is worse, living on the street or surviving on someone else's sympathy.

One week was all it took to remind me how lucky I am. I know, someone out there would do anything to trade places with me. Although I may not be able to help every homeless person or orphan in the world, at least now, I can appreciate better my life. More than that, I remember the fight to make a difference is never over.

Restoring Hinduism : One step at a time

My Facebook notification was filled with Thaipusam wishes from friends back home. To be honest, that was my reminder of this celebration.

For those of you wondering what Thaipusam is, kindly Google it.

This year’s Thaipusam celebration was different for me. It was not the fact that I am in America, but how I celebrated it that made a difference. Unlike many of my friends, I was not able to visit a temple. I celebrated it by researching and reading articles about Thaipusam itself.

Of course, it could never replace the original feeling of visiting a temple. However, it brought a sense of proximity between me and God in one way. Thousands of miles away from home but I found peace in reading.

I have a question for all of you reading this, when was the last time you actually questioned or understood the reason behind your practices? I never did.

This post is dedicated to restore the correct perception on the celebration of Thaipusam.

Many years ago, a devotee named Idumban brought milk to perform abishegam (milk bath) for Lord Muruga. Every day without fail, he would carry a pot of milk up the hill to perform this ceremony. One fine day, on the month of Thai, Lord Muruga grant Idumban mukti (release from the death cycle). Seeing this, other villagers too started to bring milk and other fruits as offerings in hopes to receive mukthi.

Centuries later, this perfectly simple and harmless act has transformed to include mortification of flesh and other completely unnecessary feat like the one below:

Not the real Hinduism tradition & it hurts

Before any of you proceed to judge this, let me assure you we all do it in our own way. When is the last time we have been a victim of someone else’s interpretation. Have we blindly follow certain arguments and statements just because it came from someone older? Worse than that, when was our last time of self discovery through your own spiritual religiosity?

As time passes, I realized that we all perpetuate ideas that seem rational to us. These ideas then become a hearsay often misleading other people. Admit it, we have all been victim of this. The reason is simple, we never care to find an answer for ourselves.

I've done my part. I challenge you all to learn and correct what you think is wrong.

As long we remain ignorant, religious fanatics will always take advantage of us.

If you really hate fanatics, face them.

Special credits to: Miss Leela and Mr Gajen for their input and resources.

Living of a suitcase

Semester is finally starting and my one month of traveling has come to its end. When I returned to Oxford, I never really realized how much I liked this place. Sure it's isolated from society and civilization, but there is something special being behind these walls. Special and strong enough to make you feel safe. If I didn't know any better, I would say the walls whisper that everything will be fine.

My trip started off where it all began, Atlanta. I still remembered how I couldn't sleep the night before meeting my good friends. It's been almost five months since we all separated. Many things might change, but how we viewed each other was not one of them. This reunion was more than just four friends meeting each other, it was four memories coming together. Sometimes, when you have been deprived of your roots for sometime, memories are the only cure for the lonely heart.

Savannah was a beauty of its own. A small town with a rich history. From the haunted houses to the seaside beauty, this place is definitely a must go. I liked how everything in Savannah was a stone throw away. You could literally walk the entire town if your energetic enough, something Oxford can never give.

Jacksonville was all about the food. I still can't believe that we drove forty miles away to have some indian food. In fact, we had dinner in the exact same restaurant for three consecutive days. It's almost like we were under a spell. Spell or not, the food was great!

(The restaurant is called flavors)

Daytona beach was more of a disappointment for both me and my friends. Who ever said looks can be deceiving is definitely true in this one. Note to everyone: next time don't blindly fall for the photo's online. I wished we recorded the moment we discovered some used condoms under the drawer, that would be a funny video.

Orlando was an amazing place. Mostly because of the theme park we visited. Universal studios was a fun adventure indeed. Walking down Harry Potter world seemed so real. From the 12.50 butterbeer till the hogward's express train station. Everything seemed real. The devil was in the detail. Disneyland was another spectacular experience. Standing in front of Cinderella's castle waiting for the new year to spawn is once in a life time experience indeed. I never understood why kids wanted to go disney. All the characters are not real after all. I guess, sometimes we all want to get away from reality, enjoy our fantasy and understand that miracles do happen in life. Disney is not just a child's dream land, it was a reminder that miracles and magic does happen in life. Whether your a child or not.

I never really thought I would end up in New york. All my "memories" of the city has been through movies I watched. Well, it was possible thanks to some friends I made in Oxford. I experienced great hospitality living with my friend. New york or NYC reminded me much of Kuala Lumpur (KL), from the busy streets to the superfluous skyscraper. It was the place everyone wanted to be in. While we walked down the streets looking at hot spots, let us not forget those homeless warriors fighting everyday for the another day. Irony how the place of the rich is also the place of the poor. I saw many homeless people there, some were trying to be funny, while some were just at the verge of giving up. I often wonder how do these people get their day by. I guess all that saying that New york is the place of opportunity doesn't really resonate with this people, does it?

My vacation ended in NYC but my journey began in Leadershape. I have to be honest, I signed up for this programme only because I had no place to go for one week and neither did I wanted to trouble my friend. Funny how fate always plays in my life, those I pay less attention to end up being the center piece. The great thing about leadershape was not about the curriculum, it was about the people. 65 people, coming from different walks of life, sharing a common goal, to make a difference. I was definitely happy to make friends with many people. It only took 1 day for all of us to turn from acquaintances to family. How often does that happen? Well, it happened in leadershape. I honestly hope that all of us keep in touch, there is just too much to learn from each other.

As for me, living out of a suitcase has been a great experience. You never know what you can expect. The key is to have an open heart and accept whatever that comes your way. All this traveling made me think. If I could learn so much by planning a trip, how much can I learn by backpacking to a place unplanned. Would it be a challenge or insane? Either way, I think I got the mojo.

Wrapping the semester

Exactly 10 days before winter starts. Oxford has yet to be blessed with the presence of snow. Nevertheless, I am still grateful for Georgia's weather. Where else in the world can I wear shorts in the middle of winter? Only in Georgia.

6days left before finals and this is the perfect time to write about my classes this semester. Makes me appreciate what I have learnt so far and how it made me a better man.

One of my favorite class this semester was Introduction to Psychology. To me, this course was basically teaching me to learn about myself. The best thing about this class was the practicality of it. It doesn't take much to use what you learnt at class in your life. You don't need cash, capital or even fancy machines to use what you learned in class. One of my personal favorite is the sequence of "eat, sleep and study" that Dr Lewis suggested. I realized how simple things makes a huge difference in people's life. Did you know changing your light's color can actually effect the way you behave and concentrate?

Funny how psychology also makes me judge and appreciate my parents simultaneously. Never knew the statement "mak bapak tak ajar"(your parents didn't teach you) was actually true after all. Interesting how the decisions you make are not actually yours alone, it's a sum of all the aspirations of your close friends, parents, teachers and yourself put together. Question is, do you really own yourself?

Sociology 101 explored the dimensions and dynamics between people. It's like looking at the same coin but analyzing it from two perspective. To me, it was more like a puzzle. Taking an individual, taking him apart and trying to make sense of those pieces. I read a piece titled "Ain't No Makin it" by Mcleod this week. It's about two group of kids living in the same neighborhood but having different aspirations. One group worked really hard in school and maintained good grades, while the other was just indifferent. 8 years later, both of them ended up somewhat the in the same jobs and circumstances. What exactly happened?

All this while I use to blame people for their incompetency, lack of ability and character. I never really gave thought as too why are people the way they are. Sociology showed me that it's not much of a choice how people choose to present themselves, it more of a circumstance and their background that dictates how they act. Is it fair to compare and judge competency of a farmer's son compared to Prime Minister's wife? Were they given the same chance and resources? Sadly as it may sound, that is how every system in our society works.

Brings me back to the polemical issue of scholarships in Malaysia. I myself used to believe that meritocracy should prevail, but I stand corrected. If meritocracy was ever practiced in scholarships, I am afraid the inequality will be larger. Is it fair to push away a poor rubber tapper's son who got 6As as compared to the daughter of doctors who had private tutoring and obtained 10As?

I took swimming this semester. Deliberately didn't attend the placement test to get a place in intermediate swimming (Don't judge).

This class was a matter of personal choice. I simply didn't want to "thrash" swim all my life. I still remember how badly I panicked overtime my feet couldn't touch the bottom of the pool. It wasn't so funny back then.

One thing I learnt in swimming class is fighting your fear needs time and support. When my class started swimming, none of us dared to jump into the deep end. Only when one of us starts pushing their limits did we all even dare to consider the possibility. I was lucky being in a class full of friends who not only supported but also encouraged each other. Next time you consider ridiculing someone for their fear, ask yourself what have you done to help them overcome it?

That's all for now & comments are welcomed.

Fast Car

I am in Oxford. I can't believe I am in Oxford. I travelled across the globe to finally be here. Seems like yesterday I was sitting on the bench at KDU studying with dear friends and often having group discussion or busy eating my vegetarian food from down the road. Can't even explain how much I miss my Malaysian food. The spice, the taste, the texture and of course the price!

I am here at Oxford, not the real one if any of you are wondering. I wish, but it's okay I have learned to come in terms with fate. God after all does know well, I should know this by now. Many important things happened this semester, I was blessed with many leadership opportunity on campus, meeting wonderful people, and most of all, I have finally discovered what my true passion is.

I bagged the top in Malaysia for law in my CIE examination this time. My ego was scratched at first for not being top in the world, but like mother always says " Something better than nothing". This award means so much , it's often a reminder of the strength of passion. Mostly, it's a reminder of my settled debt.

How is America? I honestly can't tell. Apart from the food, weather and accent, it's pretty much the same as Malaysia. I guess coming from a diverse background and being trained to be an outlier made me see similarities more than differences in people. A survival skill as I will call it.

Do I regret being the only Malaysian in my class? It doesn't really bring much of a difference. Sometimes I wished I had more Malaysians to talk to, putting on a fake "american accent" can be very tiring sometimes. Why do I need to fake it? Well, it makes communication a lot easier. If not in Oxford, at least when I go shopping at walmart.

Finals is coming soon, and things are starting to be stressful. The only thing that keeps me going the is thought of winter break. I can't wait for winter. It's my first time exploring America. Seeing America as a bigger picture being trapped in Oxford's cacoon is indeed a new experience.

MacBookpro internet scam!!

Hi,

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Regarding the Warranty, Full Warranty for 1 Year will be provided by Apple Hong Kong. This is because item came in from Hong Kong. Not only that, from my side, i will offer 3 months Full warranty. Which means, if there is any problem or you are not satisfied with the condition, you can ask for a replacement (1 to 1 Switch) or full refund will be given. This item is 100% Brand new and Original. Not an imitation, recond or 2nd hand unit.

For your information, i do not do COD or COC services. This is for the safety of both parties. Payment can be made through Bank transfer. Once payment being made, item will be ship to you via courier on the same day via poslaju. Shipping charges will be covered by me. Unless you require it to be sent by other courier companies like Citylink, GD Express, etc.. then you have to add the differences. Once Shipping had been done, i will sms to you the tracking number. Im sure you will wonder, how if you already made the payment and the item did not arrive? Do contact me and i will explain in detail how this deal could be secured.

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Thanks