Letting Go

I’ve got 20 days left in Malaysia. Things are starting to hit me. I’ve started to appreciate the buildings I usually pass. I no longer read books in the train, I spend time gazing the skylines and observing the people around me. Somehow, these small things begin to matter.

 I ask myself everyday, is my education abroad really worth it? Am I really lucky or am I merely hired to play the role of my nation’s pride?

 I come back once a year, only if my bank statement permits. Yet it feels as if I havent been in this place for ages. The road changed and new buildings have long been erected. It’s sad sometimes, I’m feel like a tourist in my own country.

 I looked back at how my American education helped, and words can’t sum up how much it’s impacted me. It was my very own “admantium”, building character.

 I no longer accept facts blindly as how I was trained, I question them. In fact, I find more intellectual pride in asking questions. Some of my military friends would disagree with me, like they say “those who don’t obey, can’t command”. For me, that phrase does not develop leadership, it makes it easy.

 Being away made me care even more. I no longer have the patience to tolerate political-lunacy. In fact, my expectations have only increased. I silently judge people who don’t take the country seriously. If you don’t, who else will?

 At this point of time, I’m not sure whether I’m ready to leave Malaysia. There is just so many things to experience and get done. The thought of leaving itself makes me feel guilty. How could you leave something, when it is in need of you?

I know leaving home is going to be hard. I haven’t found the right “thought” to justify it. I know many things await me at Oxford. I know I have assume all my responsibilities soon. The thought of leaving home might be hard, but you never know the value of something, until it’s taken away from you.