9/11 From Far Away

I was 10 years old when 9/11 happened. Of course, due to time difference, it wasn’t till the next day I finally watched the clips. Sad to say, at that point of time, it was merely something I watched on television. I had no emotions or thoughts for everything that happened. Why would I? It wasn’t the twin towers in Malaysia.

Despite being young and ignorant, I remember floods of opinions that filled the front pages of the newspapers. Some criticizing the act of terrorism, while some turning that issue to remind America for their interventionist policies. Of course, none of these arguments made sense to me. All I knew was innocent people have died, and I feel the term innocent should be all that matters.

Today I had the chance to attend a small service to remember those who have died during that incident. I knew that my presence as an international student did arouse some curiosity among some. Why would a non-American care about that incident? The truth is, I wasn’t there to feel like an American, I was there as a fellow human, who shares the same sentiment and emotion as any other American would when you lose something.

Sometimes, people mistaken that you have to “walk a mile in their shoes” to truly understand something. Well, to me it doesn’t matter where you come from. It matters how you connect with people who do not come from the same walk of life.

I saw people from different ethnicity and even nationality present in that service today. It made me realize how universal this incident has been. I might not have lost a family in the tragedy but I definitely feel the pain of my friends who did. That’s all that matters to me.

While I consider myself a member of human race more than anything else, I’d like to take this chance to ask people around me. If this happened in Malaysia, would you be there for me as how I will be for you?

Talk to me

Food.

We all eat food. While our food selection might differ, the general idea of eating is the same. We eat not only to satisfy our physical need, but also emotionally. Many people ignore the emotional aspect of eating. I consider the act of ladling your food itself carrying a deeper significance.

By now, I’m going to assume you have heard of my favorite food, Nasi Lemak. (If you haven’t please browse my previous posts).

In some ways, I consider Nasi Lemak a friend. Someone that has been there for me in ways you can’t even imagine. Funny how for someone who doesn’t have a human attribute, it sometimes “speak” to me in subtle ways.

I was five when I had my first Nasi Lemak. I could still remember the “crunch” sound eating the dried anchovies. I have to admit, I’ve always had an unexplained addiction to this sound. I liked how despite the hard nature of anchovies, I had the ability to crush them and enjoyed the brittles in the process. No matter how salty or hard the anchovies were, I’d go on and never stopped. In some ways, this thought me perseverance. To keep going on no matter how hard things get.

Growing up, I always had the privilege of walking to school. My parents were convinced that no one would kidnap me along the way (they were right).

It was the thought of reaching the Nasi Lemak stall nearby that kept me going. It was my own version of a reward for attending school. Over the years, this reinforced my attendance in school. I’ve never skipped class (deliberately at least) in my 11 years of school. In fact, I’d often be the shinning example of perfect attendance. I’d like to thank Nasi Lemak for that. I realized to keep people going, they need motivation. That’s why often times I share with people the benefits they get from working on something. It helps to put the right perspective in place. Today, I am the president for most clubs I’m in. All I did was follow my Nasi Lemak’s advice.

Exams were never really my favorite part of school. I consider exams as Stress Management Practical. Nevertheless, I had my own share of stressing out. On the day of exams, I’d normally buy a packet of Nasi Lemak and carry it to school. I liked how nasi lemak in packets required diligence in opening them. You always had to start from the right side so that your Nasi Lemak would not make a mess. Over the years, I’ve turned into an expert when it came to this. I’ve learned how to analyze different packaging and ways to unfold them. Similarly, when I found different problems, I’ve always twitched my methods to fit the problem until I find the right formula. In exams, I stick to the most effective methods to solve equations and write essays. As a result, I’ve earned a good grade. More than that, I’ve understood the importance of finding the right path in doing something.

Nasi Lemak has given me another reason to love Malaysia. In fact, I dread leaving Malaysia because I’d have to miss a year of my good old friend. To be honest, I was contemplating whether to learn how to cook Nasi Lemak. In one way, it was my way to feel closer to home. But I ask myself, if I could make Nasi Lemak whenever I could, would it take away the special bond we have. Could reproducing mean it’s no longer special? More than that, could it mean that I’m not letting Nasi Lemak “speak” to me subtly, as how it always did.

Letting Go

I’ve got 20 days left in Malaysia. Things are starting to hit me. I’ve started to appreciate the buildings I usually pass. I no longer read books in the train, I spend time gazing the skylines and observing the people around me. Somehow, these small things begin to matter.

 I ask myself everyday, is my education abroad really worth it? Am I really lucky or am I merely hired to play the role of my nation’s pride?

 I come back once a year, only if my bank statement permits. Yet it feels as if I havent been in this place for ages. The road changed and new buildings have long been erected. It’s sad sometimes, I’m feel like a tourist in my own country.

 I looked back at how my American education helped, and words can’t sum up how much it’s impacted me. It was my very own “admantium”, building character.

 I no longer accept facts blindly as how I was trained, I question them. In fact, I find more intellectual pride in asking questions. Some of my military friends would disagree with me, like they say “those who don’t obey, can’t command”. For me, that phrase does not develop leadership, it makes it easy.

 Being away made me care even more. I no longer have the patience to tolerate political-lunacy. In fact, my expectations have only increased. I silently judge people who don’t take the country seriously. If you don’t, who else will?

 At this point of time, I’m not sure whether I’m ready to leave Malaysia. There is just so many things to experience and get done. The thought of leaving itself makes me feel guilty. How could you leave something, when it is in need of you?

I know leaving home is going to be hard. I haven’t found the right “thought” to justify it. I know many things await me at Oxford. I know I have assume all my responsibilities soon. The thought of leaving home might be hard, but you never know the value of something, until it’s taken away from you.