Through My Lenses

If you’d swing by my room, you’ll see a vast collection of photos hanging on my wall. These are my “babies”. Each and every one of them carefull edited, printed, and positioned so that I can wake up to them.

I oftentimes find myself asking: why are photos so interesting? Is it the angle of the camera or the editing that makes them spell-binding? Or could it be that our innate ability to project our thoughts onto photographs that make them intriguing? A real life “Pensieve”.

Not many people realize the abilities photos have. I’ve always believed that if you starred close enough into a photo, you could actually sense the people or object in it. Perhaps I’m fooling myself too much here, afterall how can a simple paper contain so much meaning or detail attached?

Well, I choose to believe that somehow the lights that enter the camera, preserved a tiny speck of energy in the photo, and if we paid close attention to it, we might be able to catch a glimpse behind it. Too far-fetched, I know.

Today, I was stricken by the horror that happened in Newtown, Connecticut. 26 innocent lives gone without justice. Photos flooding Facebook, leaving nothing but the thought of sympathy and devastation behind.

To look at a photo of your child, and embracing what’s left. To stare at the empty chair in the dinner table. I can’t imagine. I pray.

If my believe is by any chance right, I hope you embrace those photos and find the energy in it. Honour it. 

For today, the heavens are crowded with angels.

Rest in peace.

The Ring

To many people, my ring is a cultural ornament that I’m always wearing. To me, it’s a constant reminder of how blessed I am.

A silver piece of metal molted and embedded with nine different stones, supposedly to shower me with blessings from the divine planets. It took me a while, but I guess I finally understand what blessing means in my own terms.

People work all their lives to buy something they think is valuable. To some people it might be a house, while for the rest it may be a diamond necklace for their loved ones. It’s funny how over the years, wealth has become an indicator of how blessed you are, or at least how blessed you feel about yourself. I know, I’m definitely guilty of this.

My American friends here celebrate Thanksgiving, as a day of remembrance and deep gratitude for everything they have. One day every year dedicated solely for giving thanks. Truth told, I wish Malaysia celebrated Thanksgiving, perhaps all those unnecessary political chatter would cease if people just realize how blessed they really are.

It’s impossible for me to list down all the things that I’m grateful, but these are some that I truly appreciate:

1.   I’m thankful for my parents who are the only ones in the world that can put up with my ridiculous spoilt brat nonsense I give them.

2.    I’m thankful for my elder brother who is always there to remind me to live my life and don’t worry about my future too much

3.    I’m thankful for my scholarship which enabled me to be here in America and learn things I never imagined

4.    I’m thankful for my friends, who inspire me to be a better person

5.    I’m thankful for my teachers and professors who have given me more than just homework to take back home

6.    I’m thankful for the janitors, cleaners, and staffs that keep the place I stay clean. They are truly the unsung heroes.

7.    I’m thankful for the conflicts I have in my life, because I’ve learned so much about myself

8.    I’m thankful for my dogs who keep my parents company, while both my brother and I are away from home

9.    I’m thankful for the random strangers I’ve met in gas pumps, airport, railways, and everywhere else that has pointed me in the right direction if I’m lost and even keep me company

1. I’m thankful for my ability to smile, even if I’m having a bad day, because I know me smiling would make someone else happy.

  

I don’t know whether my ring truly brings me blessings, but what I do know is it reminds to appreciate the things I have in life, in other words contentment. For that, it will always be a blessing.

So what is blessing? It’s the ability to know what you have and appreciate it while it’s still with you.

Lessons beyond Lectures

I’ve always been a very introspective person. Microspecting each and every detail around me. From the random colored dots on my wall to the scratches on my cellphone. Could it be that this world that we live in is subtly speaking to us? Could it be that there is no such thing as an accident, but mere signs that play a crucial part in determining our life course.

Think about it, tiny scratches on your phone makes you more careful not to drop your phone. You then develop alertness and reflex to prevent your phone from falling. This mental state is then extended to help you carry out activities such as driving, cooking and even playing sports. The ripple effect is never ending. To think all of this from the mere scratches on your cellphone is far fetched. But, the possibility of the interconnected signs in life is undeniable. Could it be that this is the real mantra of life? Everything you do will have an effect. Is this what people call Karma?

I often question myself, why do people have different personalities? Aren't we all biologically the same species. If so, shouldn't we have more similarities than differences. Perhaps it's because the world speaks differently to us. These experiences draw our personalities and determine how we interact with each other. 

I've learned patience and determination from the fragile old man who scavenges our neighborhood trash. How patiently he goes through people's trash just to find recyclable items that he could exchange for some change, so that he wouldn't have to starve himself for that day. No scorching sun or rude owner could stop him.

I've learned loyalty from the little dog who has been repeatedly abused by his owner, but yet obeys every command.

I've learned empathy from the old lady who is both deaf and mute but yet understands each and every word of her customers.

I've learned usefulness from the little kids in India, who collect dried leaves to make plates for themselves.

I've learned the value of privilege from kids who walk for miles without shoes, under the scorching sun.

I've learned that you are the sum of how you view things around you. There is no better teacher than life itself. So start learning.

9/11 From Far Away

I was 10 years old when 9/11 happened. Of course, due to time difference, it wasn’t till the next day I finally watched the clips. Sad to say, at that point of time, it was merely something I watched on television. I had no emotions or thoughts for everything that happened. Why would I? It wasn’t the twin towers in Malaysia.

Despite being young and ignorant, I remember floods of opinions that filled the front pages of the newspapers. Some criticizing the act of terrorism, while some turning that issue to remind America for their interventionist policies. Of course, none of these arguments made sense to me. All I knew was innocent people have died, and I feel the term innocent should be all that matters.

Today I had the chance to attend a small service to remember those who have died during that incident. I knew that my presence as an international student did arouse some curiosity among some. Why would a non-American care about that incident? The truth is, I wasn’t there to feel like an American, I was there as a fellow human, who shares the same sentiment and emotion as any other American would when you lose something.

Sometimes, people mistaken that you have to “walk a mile in their shoes” to truly understand something. Well, to me it doesn’t matter where you come from. It matters how you connect with people who do not come from the same walk of life.

I saw people from different ethnicity and even nationality present in that service today. It made me realize how universal this incident has been. I might not have lost a family in the tragedy but I definitely feel the pain of my friends who did. That’s all that matters to me.

While I consider myself a member of human race more than anything else, I’d like to take this chance to ask people around me. If this happened in Malaysia, would you be there for me as how I will be for you?

Summer wind

It’s hard to believe summer has gone by so fast. Funny how it seems like only yesterday I said goodbye to my friends at school. Today, I find myself dusting the black suitcase, my loyal companion.  It’s almost time to leave.

My friends tell me the first summer is always the hardest. It’s only because you grow to appreciate the finer things you leave behind. I’m already beginning to miss the sound of LRTs passing by, or the heavy engined Rapid buses I rely on everyday. But somehow, I have little regrets about this summer.

My otak2 internship lasted for two months. I can’t even begin to describe how impactful my experiences have been. Meeting different corperate partners and mingling among my cohorts have been an invaluable experience. I liked the diversity of it, my friends come from different walk of life and we all meet at this crossroad, deciding which path to take. Otak2 has made my career path easier, as now I know my options. 

It's come to my sense that knowing your options is actually a privillege. Many people go on with their lifes without thinking of a different possibillity. In the end, we never really left where we started. To me, knowing your options meant more than opportunities. It's actually a gift to expand you knowledge. More that that, it helps you dream big.

My internship at Rohde & Schwarz was an interesting experience. For someone who’ve countless engineering friends, I had no idea what the company did. My only reference was google.

I prepared myself in every way I could for my internship. I assumed as an innocent intern, I’d have to make coffee or photostat documents. In fact, I even went memorizing roads around my office, in case I’d have to do despatch. Funny, how all my preparation ended up in vain. Instead of making coffee, I made proposals for events. I produced the first internship brochure for my company with no knowledge or artistic skills (the brochure turned out fine) . In place of despatch work, I ended up touring local universities with my manager.

The value of my internship at Rohde & Schwarz was the mindset I gained from my peers. The emphasis was on learning how to learn something. I have to be honest here, I did cost my company a lot. I’d say a good RM19 000 was put side for me to “learn”, making Rohde & Schwarz the most generous employer. How many bosses out there would allow a fresh intern lead an expensive project with no experience? Well, mine did. Either they were crazy or they had faith in me. Well, I think they were crazy.

Summer past by swiftly. All of a sudden, I’m here ready to get back to Oxford. One more year before I’m here again on my bed writing another post. I hope it past by fast.

This time, I’m better prepared.

Talk to me

Food.

We all eat food. While our food selection might differ, the general idea of eating is the same. We eat not only to satisfy our physical need, but also emotionally. Many people ignore the emotional aspect of eating. I consider the act of ladling your food itself carrying a deeper significance.

By now, I’m going to assume you have heard of my favorite food, Nasi Lemak. (If you haven’t please browse my previous posts).

In some ways, I consider Nasi Lemak a friend. Someone that has been there for me in ways you can’t even imagine. Funny how for someone who doesn’t have a human attribute, it sometimes “speak” to me in subtle ways.

I was five when I had my first Nasi Lemak. I could still remember the “crunch” sound eating the dried anchovies. I have to admit, I’ve always had an unexplained addiction to this sound. I liked how despite the hard nature of anchovies, I had the ability to crush them and enjoyed the brittles in the process. No matter how salty or hard the anchovies were, I’d go on and never stopped. In some ways, this thought me perseverance. To keep going on no matter how hard things get.

Growing up, I always had the privilege of walking to school. My parents were convinced that no one would kidnap me along the way (they were right).

It was the thought of reaching the Nasi Lemak stall nearby that kept me going. It was my own version of a reward for attending school. Over the years, this reinforced my attendance in school. I’ve never skipped class (deliberately at least) in my 11 years of school. In fact, I’d often be the shinning example of perfect attendance. I’d like to thank Nasi Lemak for that. I realized to keep people going, they need motivation. That’s why often times I share with people the benefits they get from working on something. It helps to put the right perspective in place. Today, I am the president for most clubs I’m in. All I did was follow my Nasi Lemak’s advice.

Exams were never really my favorite part of school. I consider exams as Stress Management Practical. Nevertheless, I had my own share of stressing out. On the day of exams, I’d normally buy a packet of Nasi Lemak and carry it to school. I liked how nasi lemak in packets required diligence in opening them. You always had to start from the right side so that your Nasi Lemak would not make a mess. Over the years, I’ve turned into an expert when it came to this. I’ve learned how to analyze different packaging and ways to unfold them. Similarly, when I found different problems, I’ve always twitched my methods to fit the problem until I find the right formula. In exams, I stick to the most effective methods to solve equations and write essays. As a result, I’ve earned a good grade. More than that, I’ve understood the importance of finding the right path in doing something.

Nasi Lemak has given me another reason to love Malaysia. In fact, I dread leaving Malaysia because I’d have to miss a year of my good old friend. To be honest, I was contemplating whether to learn how to cook Nasi Lemak. In one way, it was my way to feel closer to home. But I ask myself, if I could make Nasi Lemak whenever I could, would it take away the special bond we have. Could reproducing mean it’s no longer special? More than that, could it mean that I’m not letting Nasi Lemak “speak” to me subtly, as how it always did.